THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST
How culture 'creates' Motherhood and why it matters (The Fish Tank Model)
February 7, 2023
THE PERFECT MOTHER MYTH; THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT OF MOTHERHOOD; THE SOCIOLOGY OF MOTHERHOOD; EMPOWERED MOTHERING; LIBERATED MOTHERHOOD; THE ‘FISH TANK’ OF MOTHERHOOD MODEL™
In this episode, I speak to some criticisms of the concept and application of ‘good enough mothering' as an approach to parenting. Some of us can have a reaction of: 'good enough?, why would I want to be JUST good enough as a parent?'. For those who identify as perfectionists, who feel the 'high stakes' nature of parenting, who are feeling guilty and not enough, and pressure to constantly do/be more as a mother, this episode offers a reprieve and an invitation to consider a perspective shift that can lighten the load we so often feel as mothers. I share both some of the research and my own personal reflections as a mother on why I find 'good enough mothering' a valuable tool and perspective for both us and our children.
What is the perfect mother myth?
Selfless, sacrificial, organized, structured, heterosexual, monogamous, white, middle class, able-bodied, endlessly playful with her children with planned activities, productive, ‘maternal’, creative, is ‘beautiful’ according to a white/capitalist/ageist ideal of what beauty means, she is a great cook, dedicated to mothering 24/7, productive. What else??
The perfect mother is
‘It all’. Framed as a perfect career,marriage/relationship, 2.5 children of both sexes, ‘well-behaved’ and compliant children, money, the ‘bounced back’ body, screen-free households, a perfect, clean/tidy/organized home. What else??
The perfect mother has
the perfect mother always feels
Endless happiness, like she’s cherishing every minute, maternal bliss, grateful, patient, loving,fulfilled, satisfied, content, composed, balanced, present, energized, giving. What else??
the perfect mother never feels
Apathy, frustration, impatience, anger, envy, regret, resentment, boredom, longing for life pre-motherhood, loneliness. What else??
“A model of good enough mothering is a way to be able to shift our focus from a deficit based way of thinking in mothering, to a strength based way of thinking. So instead of focusing on all of the things that were supposedly doing wrong, that we're not doing enough in that we feel are our weaknesses are things that we want to improve in our mothering.
Good enough mothering is a way to shift focus to a strengths based model, which is actually focusing on all the ways that we are enough that we are doing a good enough job that we are meeting our children's needs. "
— Dr Sophie Brock, Ep #91 The Good Enough Mother
Listen up.
In the episode, THE ‘FISH TANK’ OF MOTHERHOOD MODEL™ click here to learn more.
The ‘Fish Tank’ of Motherhood Model™
A model offering a one-of-a-kind sociological approach for understanding Motherhood
Professor Andrea O’Reilly’s 8 ‘rules’ of good motherhood (Mother Outlaws)
1. Children can only be properly cared for by the bio mother
2. This mothering must be provided 24/7
3. The mother must always put her children’s needs before her own
4. Mothers must turn to the experts for instruction
5. The mother must be fully satisfied, fulfilled, completed and composed in motherhood
6. The mother must lavish excessive amounts of time energy and money on the rearing of their children
7. The mother has full responsibility but no power from which to mother
8. Motherhood and childrearing are regarded as personal and private undertakings with no political import