THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST
Moving Beyond The Perfect Mother Myth
January 26, 2023
THE PERFECT MOTHER MYTH; THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT OF MOTHERHOOD; THE SOCIOLOGY OF MOTHERHOOD; EMPOWERED MOTHERING; LIBERATED MOTHERHOOD; THE ‘FISH TANK’ OF MOTHERHOOD MODEL™
There is a piecing-back-together that we are called to do after we go through a journey of pulling apart the version of motherhood we've been sold. To ask: well, what DO I want for my motherhood? If I understand the perfect mother myth, and how we're 'swimming' within a culture that sets us up for a certain experience of motherhood, what are the next steps I can take after unpacking these realizations? I speak to these types of questions in this episode and reflect on the process of what it means to go on the journey of unpacking how we have internalised the ‘perfect mother myth’ and have been socialized into the expectations of what it means to be a ‘Mother’. The birth of a new awareness, and (re)creation of a new identity can feel alluring, exciting, liberating, and/or empowering. But it can also feel really unsettling, especially at first. This episode speaks to this experience and how we can build new models of what it means to be a mother. I consider a model of ‘integrated’ motherhood and invite you to reflect on some questions about your own sense of self and identity.
What is the perfect mother myth?
Selfless, sacrificial, organized, structured, heterosexual, monogamous, white, middle class, able-bodied, endlessly playful with her children with planned activities, productive, ‘maternal’, creative, is ‘beautiful’ according to a white/capitalist/ageist ideal of what beauty means, she is a great cook, dedicated to mothering 24/7, productive. What else??
The perfect mother is
‘It all’. Framed as a perfect career,marriage/relationship, 2.5 children of both sexes, ‘well-behaved’ and compliant children, money, the ‘bounced back’ body, screen-free households, a perfect, clean/tidy/organized home. What else??
The perfect mother has
the perfect mother always feels
Endless happiness, like she’s cherishing every minute, maternal bliss, grateful, patient, loving,fulfilled, satisfied, content, composed, balanced, present, energized, giving. What else??
the perfect mother never feels
Apathy, frustration, impatience, anger, envy, regret, resentment, boredom, longing for life pre-motherhood, loneliness. What else??
Listen up.
In the episode, THE ‘FISH TANK’ OF MOTHERHOOD MODEL™ click here to learn more.
The ‘Fish Tank’ of Motherhood Model™
A model offering a one-of-a-kind sociological approach for understanding Motherhood
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Professor Andrea O’Reilly’s 8 ‘rules’ of good motherhood (Mother Outlaws)
1. Children can only be properly cared for by the bio mother
2. This mothering must be provided 24/7
3. The mother must always put her children’s needs before her own
4. Mothers must turn to the experts for instruction
5. The mother must be fully satisfied, fulfilled, completed and composed in motherhood
6. The mother must lavish excessive amounts of time energy and money on the rearing of their children
7. The mother has full responsibility but no power from which to mother
8. Motherhood and childrearing are regarded as personal and private undertakings with no political import