THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST

The Perfect Mother Myth and Social Construct of Motherhood

September 7, 2022

THE PERFECT MOTHER MYTH; THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT OF MOTHERHOOD; THE INSTITUTION OF MOTHERHOOD; THE SOCIOLOGY OF MOTHERHOOD; EMPOWERED MOTHERING; LIBERATED MOTHERHOOD

The way our society is structured for mothers, shaped how we experience what it means to be a mother. This episode explains the social construction of motherhood and the perfect mother myth.

What does it actually mean to say that motherhood is 'social' or 'constructed' through our culture?

Why should we care about motherhood-culture and how does it impact and influence individual mothers, and our children?

What is the perfect mother myth, how does it show up in our lives, and what can we do about shifting how we feel about ourselves as mothers?

What's the alternative?

  • The movement away from patriarchal motherhood is not a movement away from connectedness, responsiveness and attunement with our children. It is a move towards it.

    Sophie Brock, Ep 80 The Good Enough Mother Podcast

  • What a child needs most in the world “is a free and happy mother… A child needs a mother who has resources to enable her to make real choices, but also to create a feeling of adequate control – a state of mind that encourages a sense of agency, thus a good basis of maternal well-being, and a good foundation on which to stand while raising a child… such a mother can imagine a life of possibility and hope, and can so offer this perspective to a child…

    Janna Malamud Smith, 2004, A Potent Spell: Mother Love and the Power of Fear.

  • The more a mother internalizes the perfect mother myth, the more likely she is to experience anxiety, guilt, shame, burnout and depression

    Sophie Brock, Ep 80 The Good Enough Mother Podcast. Research cited from Rotkirch & Janhunen, 2009; Henderson et al., 2016; Borelli et al, 2017, Brock, 2017; Meeussen & Van Laar, 2018.

  • “A central trait of the intensive mothering ideology encourages mothers to put the needs of others before their own, which can have a major impact on not only their mental health, but also their physical health. Therefore, it is gravely important to understand working mothers’ experiences and to challenge the inequality of motherhood that often goes unexamined and unquestioned. Without such knowledge and awareness, mental health professionals may inadvertently engage in harmful micro-aggressions or potentially perpetuate the intensive mothering expectations with the clients and families they treat... The lack of social change regarding the prescription of motherhood despite feminist movements toward achieving greater gender equality demonstrates the ongoing relevance of Hays’ work today.”

    Forbes et al, 2020

  • There can be a fine line between talking about systems, structures and the social world in a way that feels validating and affirming… affirming that it isn’t because ‘I’m not good enough’. We can start there, but we also need to be able to move into a place of agency, to explore - How can I live within my power within a context that has us sometimes feeling powerless?

    Sophie Brock, Ep 80 The Good Enough Mother Podcast

What is the perfect mother myth?

The perfect mother is

Selfless, sacrificial, organized, structured, heterosexual, monogamous, white, middle class, able-bodied, endlessly playful with her children with planned activities, productive, ‘maternal’, creative, is ‘beautiful’ according to a white/capitalist/ageist ideal of what beauty means, she is a great cook, dedicated to mothering 24/7, productive. What else??

The perfect mother has

‘It all’. Framed as a perfect career,marriage/relationship, 2.5 children of both sexes, ‘well-behaved’ and compliant children, money, the ‘bounced back’ body, screen-free households, a perfect, clean/tidy/organized home. What else??

the perfect mother always feels

Endless happiness, like she’s cherishing every minute, maternal bliss, grateful, patient, loving,fulfilled, satisfied, content, composed, balanced, present, energized, giving. What else??

the perfect mother never feels

Apathy, frustration, impatience, anger, envy, regret, resentment, boredom, longing for life pre-motherhood, loneliness. What else??

The ‘Fish Tank’ of Motherhood Model™

A model offering a one-of-a-kind sociological approach for understanding Motherhood

want to learn how to integrate this model into your work with mothers?

The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification™ is an online course taking you on a learning journey of maternal research, theory, and concepts for those who work with Mothers, or aspire to.

Professor Andrea O’Reilly’s 8 ‘rules’ of good motherhood (Mother Outlaws)

1.     Children can only be properly cared for by the bio mother

2.     This mothering must be provided 24/7

3.     The mother must always put children’s needs before her own

4.     Mothers must turn to the experts for instruction

5.     The mother must be fully satisfied, fulfilled, completed and composed in motherhood

6.     The mother must lavish excessive amounts of time energy and money in the rearing of their children

7.     The mother has full responsibility but no power from which to mother

8.     Motherhood and childrearing are regarded as personal and private undertakings with no political import

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