THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST
Attachment: Separating Science and Culture
October 13, 2019
THE PERFECT MOTHER MYTH; THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT OF MOTHERHOOD; THE INSTITUTION OF MOTHERHOOD; THE SOCIOLOGY OF MOTHERHOOD; EMPOWERED MOTHERING; LIBERATED MOTHERHOOD
Separating the science from the cultural constructs, and judgements from the lived reality, this episode dives into attachment theory as setting the building blocks for human development and relationships. But rather than giving a one-dimensional account of attachment, I examine some critiques that will challenge your thinking and have you questioning what you really believe to be true about attachment-style parenting. I offer my own response to these critiques and share a story about my own relationship with attachment parenting. I encourage you to break out of set mothering-boxes and enjoy nuanced discussion about the realities of mothering and attachment theory.
What is the perfect mother myth?
Selfless, sacrificial, organized, structured, heterosexual, monogamous, white, middle class, able-bodied, endlessly playful with her children with planned activities, productive, ‘maternal’, creative, is ‘beautiful’ according to a white/capitalist/ageist ideal of what beauty means, she is a great cook, dedicated to mothering 24/7, productive. What else??
The perfect mother is
‘It all’. Framed as a perfect career,marriage/relationship, 2.5 children of both sexes, ‘well-behaved’ and compliant children, money, the ‘bounced back’ body, screen-free households, a perfect, clean/tidy/organized home. What else??
The perfect mother has
the perfect mother always feels
Endless happiness, like she’s cherishing every minute, maternal bliss, grateful, patient, loving,fulfilled, satisfied, content, composed, balanced, present, energized, giving. What else??
the perfect mother never feels
Apathy, frustration, impatience, anger, envy, regret, resentment, boredom, longing for life pre-motherhood, loneliness. What else??
Listen on Apple Podcast
Listen on Apple Podcast
The ‘Fish Tank’ of Motherhood Model™
A model offering a one-of-a-kind sociological approach for understanding Motherhood
Professor Andrea O’Reilly’s 8 ‘rules’ of good motherhood (Mother Outlaws)
1. Children can only be properly cared for by the bio mother
2. This mothering must be provided 24/7
3. The mother must always put her children’s needs before her own
4. Mothers must turn to the experts for instruction
5. The mother must be fully satisfied, fulfilled, completed and composed in motherhood
6. The mother must lavish excessive amounts of time energy and money on the rearing of their children
7. The mother has full responsibility but no power from which to mother
8. Motherhood and childrearing are regarded as personal and private undertakings with no political import