THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST



Aggression as a Call for Connection


March 2, 2020

THE PERFECT MOTHER MYTH; THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT OF MOTHERHOOD; THE INSTITUTION OF MOTHERHOOD; THE SOCIOLOGY OF MOTHERHOOD; EMPOWERED MOTHERING; LIBERATED MOTHERHOOD


What does dealing with aggressive behaviour in your child look like when you're a conscious parent? In the first part of this episode I dive into what it means to parent from a place of consciousness and reflexivity. Why it is that so often our children – including the ways they behave – call us into doing the work of self reflection in coming to know ourselves more deeply, where our limits are, and who we can become. The struggle we have around our children’s behaviour has so much to do with our yearning for ‘control’ and the constant releasing of control that motherhood often entails and requires. I talk about the power of surrender, and speak frankly about the ways we can unfairly hold our children responsible for our happiness and wholeness. The second half of the episode reveals how these foundational understandings impact on how we can respond to our children’s aggression. I talk about coregulation and dysregulation, why our children lash out aggressively, and how you can respond. Part of this involves releasing the judgements you hold over yourself and embracing a practice of ‘good enough mothering’ in order to connect with your child in the ways they’re calling out for.

What is the perfect mother myth?

Selfless, sacrificial, organized, structured, heterosexual, monogamous, white, middle class, able-bodied, endlessly playful with her children with planned activities, productive, ‘maternal’, creative, is ‘beautiful’ according to a white/capitalist/ageist ideal of what beauty means, she is a great cook, dedicated to mothering 24/7, productive. What else??

The perfect mother is

‘It all’. Framed as a perfect career,marriage/relationship, 2.5 children of both sexes, ‘well-behaved’ and compliant children, money, the ‘bounced back’ body, screen-free households, a perfect, clean/tidy/organized home. What else??

The perfect mother has

the perfect mother always feels

Endless happiness, like she’s cherishing every minute, maternal bliss, grateful, patient, loving,fulfilled, satisfied, content, composed, balanced, present, energized, giving. What else??

the perfect mother never feels

Apathy, frustration, impatience, anger, envy, regret, resentment, boredom, longing for life pre-motherhood, loneliness. What else??

Listen up.

I talk about coregulation and dysregulation, why our children lash out aggressively, and how you can respond.

The ‘Fish Tank’ of Motherhood Model™

A model offering a one-of-a-kind sociological approach for understanding Motherhood

want to learn how to integrate this model into your work with mothers?

The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification is an online course taking you on a learning journey of maternal research, theory, and concepts for those who work with Mothers, or aspire to.

Professor Andrea O’Reilly’s 8 ‘rules’ of good motherhood (Mother Outlaws)

1.     Children can only be properly cared for by the bio mother

2.     This mothering must be provided 24/7

3.     The mother must always put her children’s needs before her own

4.     Mothers must turn to the experts for instruction

5.     The mother must be fully satisfied, fulfilled, completed and composed in motherhood

6.     The mother must lavish excessive amounts of time energy and money on the rearing of their children

7.     The mother has full responsibility but no power from which to mother

8.     Motherhood and childrearing are regarded as personal and private undertakings with no political import

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