THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST
Embracing Good Enough Mothering as your 'Self Care'
February 10, 2020
THE PERFECT MOTHER MYTH; THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT OF MOTHERHOOD; THE INSTITUTION OF MOTHERHOOD; THE SOCIOLOGY OF MOTHERHOOD; EMPOWERED MOTHERING; LIBERATED MOTHERHOOD
Current notions of ‘self care’ are letting mothers down. Part of the ‘perfect mother myth’ is that mothers are self sacrificial saints who have responsibility for the physical and emotional needs of the family. Yet, they are also expected to prioritize their ‘self care’ in order to continue meeting the needs of everybody else. In our individualistic culture we ask mothers to advocate for their own self care when they are already drowning in the care needs of everyone else. Considering the interplay between society and the individual, perhaps there are deeper reasons behind our ‘need’ for self-care in terms of our sense of worthiness, and living out the gendered narrative we’ve been programmed with since we were little girls. I want to flip how we think about self-care in the context of motherhood and argue that it can be a way to push back against the rhetoric of the perfect mother and patriarchal motherhood. We do this through rejecting the individualized, commercialized idea of self-care, while embracing ourselves as good enough mothers.
What is the perfect mother myth?
Selfless, sacrificial, organized, structured, heterosexual, monogamous, white, middle class, able-bodied, endlessly playful with her children with planned activities, productive, ‘maternal’, creative, is ‘beautiful’ according to a white/capitalist/ageist ideal of what beauty means, she is a great cook, dedicated to mothering 24/7, productive. What else??
The perfect mother is
‘It all’. Framed as a perfect career,marriage/relationship, 2.5 children of both sexes, ‘well-behaved’ and compliant children, money, the ‘bounced back’ body, screen-free households, a perfect, clean/tidy/organized home. What else??
The perfect mother has
the perfect mother always feels
Endless happiness, like she’s cherishing every minute, maternal bliss, grateful, patient, loving,fulfilled, satisfied, content, composed, balanced, present, energized, giving. What else??
the perfect mother never feels
Apathy, frustration, impatience, anger, envy, regret, resentment, boredom, longing for life pre-motherhood, loneliness. What else??
Listen up.
The ‘Fish Tank’ of Motherhood Model™
A model offering a one-of-a-kind sociological approach for understanding Motherhood
Professor Andrea O’Reilly’s 8 ‘rules’ of good motherhood (Mother Outlaws)
1. Children can only be properly cared for by the bio mother
2. This mothering must be provided 24/7
3. The mother must always put her children’s needs before her own
4. Mothers must turn to the experts for instruction
5. The mother must be fully satisfied, fulfilled, completed and composed in motherhood
6. The mother must lavish excessive amounts of time energy and money on the rearing of their children
7. The mother has full responsibility but no power from which to mother
8. Motherhood and childrearing are regarded as personal and private undertakings with no political import