THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST



Sleep... To the Brink of Despair, and Through. (Part I)


January 27, 2020

THE PERFECT MOTHER MYTH; THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT OF MOTHERHOOD; THE INSTITUTION OF MOTHERHOOD; THE SOCIOLOGY OF MOTHERHOOD; EMPOWERED MOTHERING; LIBERATED MOTHERHOOD


Sleep is one of the most loaded and controversial topics you can discuss within motherhood. There is judgement regardless of whether you sleep train or not, and I firmly believe all mothers are doing the best with the information and support they have available to them at the time. I know that not getting quality sleep can have severe impacts on our health and quality of life, but I want to shift the conversation away from the ‘either/or’ paradigm about putting baby or Mum ‘first’. We need another way.

This episode is part 1 in a two part series, and this part shares the sleep journey I’ve been on with my daughter. I speak the unspoken parts of sleep training and critique sleep training industry and culture for an exploitation of tired and vulnerable parents, approaching this from a place of compassion and empathy for mothers.

We navigated through 18 months of frequent and distressed waking before finding answers that helped my daughter’s sleep. But this journey taught me surprising (and sometimes challenging) lessons about myself as a mother and woman, and has instilled in me a passion for education about biologically normal patterns of baby and toddler sleep. I think we need an overhaul of our current social and cultural model when it comes to the topic of motherhood and sleep! Stay tuned for part 2 where I dig into the research and the core of my argument, taking you through 7 myths of infant sleep that I believe need calling out and changing.

What is the perfect mother myth?

Selfless, sacrificial, organized, structured, heterosexual, monogamous, white, middle class, able-bodied, endlessly playful with her children with planned activities, productive, ‘maternal’, creative, is ‘beautiful’ according to a white/capitalist/ageist ideal of what beauty means, she is a great cook, dedicated to mothering 24/7, productive. What else??

The perfect mother is

‘It all’. Framed as a perfect career,marriage/relationship, 2.5 children of both sexes, ‘well-behaved’ and compliant children, money, the ‘bounced back’ body, screen-free households, a perfect, clean/tidy/organized home. What else??

The perfect mother has

the perfect mother always feels

Endless happiness, like she’s cherishing every minute, maternal bliss, grateful, patient, loving,fulfilled, satisfied, content, composed, balanced, present, energized, giving. What else??

the perfect mother never feels

Apathy, frustration, impatience, anger, envy, regret, resentment, boredom, longing for life pre-motherhood, loneliness. What else??

Listen up.

Mention in this podcast:

Sophie Acott from Sleep, Play, Love.
Nourishing The Mother.

The ‘Fish Tank’ of Motherhood Model™

A model offering a one-of-a-kind sociological approach for understanding Motherhood

want to learn how to integrate this model into your work with mothers?

The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification is an online course taking you on a learning journey of maternal research, theory, and concepts for those who work with Mothers, or aspire to.

Professor Andrea O’Reilly’s 8 ‘rules’ of good motherhood (Mother Outlaws)

1.     Children can only be properly cared for by the bio mother

2.     This mothering must be provided 24/7

3.     The mother must always put her children’s needs before her own

4.     Mothers must turn to the experts for instruction

5.     The mother must be fully satisfied, fulfilled, completed and composed in motherhood

6.     The mother must lavish excessive amounts of time energy and money on the rearing of their children

7.     The mother has full responsibility but no power from which to mother

8.     Motherhood and childrearing are regarded as personal and private undertakings with no political import

Listen on SoundCloud.