THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST
Responsiveness, Rage, Rupture and Repair
January 13, 2020
THE PERFECT MOTHER MYTH; THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT OF MOTHERHOOD; THE INSTITUTION OF MOTHERHOOD; THE SOCIOLOGY OF MOTHERHOOD; EMPOWERED MOTHERING; LIBERATED MOTHERHOOD
In this episode I delve into research and evidence behind why the way we parent is so important – from a neurobiological perspective. I talk about polyvagal theory and why it’s important to understand as a parent, and the scientific benefits of holding our babies. I share research that gives insight into the interplay between genes and environment in our children’s development, and the power of touch and connection. I acknowledge the challenges involved in this way of mothering as a caregiver and delve into the topics of rage and anger as a mother. I bring our focus back to the body and on accepting the inevitability of ‘ruptures’ in our connection with our children, but on the enduring and restorative function of ‘repairing’ these connections.
What is the perfect mother myth?
Selfless, sacrificial, organized, structured, heterosexual, monogamous, white, middle class, able-bodied, endlessly playful with her children with planned activities, productive, ‘maternal’, creative, is ‘beautiful’ according to a white/capitalist/ageist ideal of what beauty means, she is a great cook, dedicated to mothering 24/7, productive. What else??
The perfect mother is
‘It all’. Framed as a perfect career,marriage/relationship, 2.5 children of both sexes, ‘well-behaved’ and compliant children, money, the ‘bounced back’ body, screen-free households, a perfect, clean/tidy/organized home. What else??
The perfect mother has
the perfect mother always feels
Endless happiness, like she’s cherishing every minute, maternal bliss, grateful, patient, loving,fulfilled, satisfied, content, composed, balanced, present, energized, giving. What else??
the perfect mother never feels
Apathy, frustration, impatience, anger, envy, regret, resentment, boredom, longing for life pre-motherhood, loneliness. What else??
Listen up.
The ‘Fish Tank’ of Motherhood Model™
A model offering a one-of-a-kind sociological approach for understanding Motherhood
Professor Andrea O’Reilly’s 8 ‘rules’ of good motherhood (Mother Outlaws)
1. Children can only be properly cared for by the bio mother
2. This mothering must be provided 24/7
3. The mother must always put her children’s needs before her own
4. Mothers must turn to the experts for instruction
5. The mother must be fully satisfied, fulfilled, completed and composed in motherhood
6. The mother must lavish excessive amounts of time energy and money on the rearing of their children
7. The mother has full responsibility but no power from which to mother
8. Motherhood and childrearing are regarded as personal and private undertakings with no political import