THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST
Love, Loss, Hope
December 15, 2019
THE PERFECT MOTHER MYTH; THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT OF MOTHERHOOD; THE INSTITUTION OF MOTHERHOOD; THE SOCIOLOGY OF MOTHERHOOD; EMPOWERED MOTHERING; LIBERATED MOTHERHOOD
Note: Trigger warning that there is discussion of my Dad’s death and some of the acute challenges that came with his illness. If you’re a listener with MND/ALS or support a loved one, please be mindful of this and know that you can reach out for support.
There is a power in story-telling that goes far beyond what we recognize and acknowledge. It is the thread that ties us together as human beings and I believe narratives have the power to transform and inspire.
In this episode I share a personal story from my family. It includes the story of how my parents came to be together: the greatest love story I’ve ever known. I talk about how my Dad went from the depths of depression to finding hope and a renewed sense of love and life through my Mum, and how together, they took on the biggest fight of their lives. Dad’s terminal diagnosis of Motor Neurone Disease gave him 3-5 years to live. Together they fought against the ravishes of the deteriorating disease, stripping my Dad of all independence, but he continued to live a thriving and rewarding existence: for 20 years.
Their story demonstrates the importance of perspective. The power of love. The lifeline of hope. The realities of grief as a part of life. And the ultimate importance of never giving up. I hope from this you draw inspiration, strength, and resilience that you can enact in your own life.
What is the perfect mother myth?
Selfless, sacrificial, organized, structured, heterosexual, monogamous, white, middle class, able-bodied, endlessly playful with her children with planned activities, productive, ‘maternal’, creative, is ‘beautiful’ according to a white/capitalist/ageist ideal of what beauty means, she is a great cook, dedicated to mothering 24/7, productive. What else??
The perfect mother is
‘It all’. Framed as a perfect career,marriage/relationship, 2.5 children of both sexes, ‘well-behaved’ and compliant children, money, the ‘bounced back’ body, screen-free households, a perfect, clean/tidy/organized home. What else??
The perfect mother has
the perfect mother always feels
Endless happiness, like she’s cherishing every minute, maternal bliss, grateful, patient, loving,fulfilled, satisfied, content, composed, balanced, present, energized, giving. What else??
the perfect mother never feels
Apathy, frustration, impatience, anger, envy, regret, resentment, boredom, longing for life pre-motherhood, loneliness. What else??
Listen up.
The power of love. The lifeline of hope. The realities of grief as a part of life.
The ‘Fish Tank’ of Motherhood Model™
A model offering a one-of-a-kind sociological approach for understanding Motherhood
Professor Andrea O’Reilly’s 8 ‘rules’ of good motherhood (Mother Outlaws)
1. Children can only be properly cared for by the bio mother
2. This mothering must be provided 24/7
3. The mother must always put her children’s needs before her own
4. Mothers must turn to the experts for instruction
5. The mother must be fully satisfied, fulfilled, completed and composed in motherhood
6. The mother must lavish excessive amounts of time energy and money on the rearing of their children
7. The mother has full responsibility but no power from which to mother
8. Motherhood and childrearing are regarded as personal and private undertakings with no political import