THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST
Mum Guilt
December 9, 2019
THE PERFECT MOTHER MYTH; THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT OF MOTHERHOOD; THE INSTITUTION OF MOTHERHOOD; THE SOCIOLOGY OF MOTHERHOOD; EMPOWERED MOTHERING; LIBERATED MOTHERHOOD
Feeling guilt as a mother is almost part of an initiation process into modern day, intensified motherhood. There can be guilt from the moment of conception right through to being the mother to an adult child and a grandparent. Mothering more than one child is laden with feelings of guilt at the obvious impossibility of meeting every child’s needs right when they arise.
This episode unveils what I think Mum-guilt is really about. I encourage greater self-awareness about what your feelings of guilt actually mean, and warn against the dangerous aspects of guilt that perpetuate a cycle of self-censoring judgement, and keeps the myth of idealized, perfect motherhood going. I offer 3 strategies for how to flip the narrative of your guilt to see it as purposeful, and come up with your own version of ‘good enough’ mothering. Reframing our understanding of maternal guilt can be fuel for transformation, remind us of our inherent power and agency as women, and encourage acceptance of our feelings of ambivalence that are an normal part of mothering.
What is the perfect mother myth?
Selfless, sacrificial, organized, structured, heterosexual, monogamous, white, middle class, able-bodied, endlessly playful with her children with planned activities, productive, ‘maternal’, creative, is ‘beautiful’ according to a white/capitalist/ageist ideal of what beauty means, she is a great cook, dedicated to mothering 24/7, productive. What else??
The perfect mother is
‘It all’. Framed as a perfect career,marriage/relationship, 2.5 children of both sexes, ‘well-behaved’ and compliant children, money, the ‘bounced back’ body, screen-free households, a perfect, clean/tidy/organized home. What else??
The perfect mother has
the perfect mother always feels
Endless happiness, like she’s cherishing every minute, maternal bliss, grateful, patient, loving,fulfilled, satisfied, content, composed, balanced, present, energized, giving. What else??
the perfect mother never feels
Apathy, frustration, impatience, anger, envy, regret, resentment, boredom, longing for life pre-motherhood, loneliness. What else??
Listen on Apple Podcast
Listen on Apple Podcast
The ‘Fish Tank’ of Motherhood Model™
A model offering a one-of-a-kind sociological approach for understanding Motherhood
Professor Andrea O’Reilly’s 8 ‘rules’ of good motherhood (Mother Outlaws)
1. Children can only be properly cared for by the bio mother
2. This mothering must be provided 24/7
3. The mother must always put her children’s needs before her own
4. Mothers must turn to the experts for instruction
5. The mother must be fully satisfied, fulfilled, completed and composed in motherhood
6. The mother must lavish excessive amounts of time energy and money on the rearing of their children
7. The mother has full responsibility but no power from which to mother
8. Motherhood and childrearing are regarded as personal and private undertakings with no political import