THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST

The Gift of Maternal Ambivalence

Embracing Complexity

to Build Connection

April 17, 2023

MATRESCENCE, CONGRUENT PARENTING, SOMATIC TOOLS, PARENTING PODCAST

with Author, Psychotherapist, Speaker and Lecturer Dr Margo Lowy

In this episode, I talk with author and psychotherapist Dr Margo Lowy, exploring the concept of maternal ambivalence – an often-silenced but integral part of the mothering experience. Maternal ambivalence is defined as feeling many conflicting feelings or contradictory feelings that can exist at the same time. In her book, "The Maternal Experience: Encounters with Ambivalence and Love", Dr Lowy further develops the concept of maternal ambivalence into being part of a new ‘language of maternal love’ and explains how maternal ambivalence is an integral part of our mothering that can actually strengthen maternal love. Learn why this is the case, the reasons why maternal ambivalence remains a cultural taboo, and how to start embracing maternal ambivalence to connect more deeply with your children and yourself.

Listen on Spotify

"We are all making it up as we go along. And it is a mess. And it is untidy, and it is dirty. And that's what the ideal does not talk about, and that's our truth. And we just have to try and do it as best as we can laugh a bit, it is uncertain."

— Dr Margo Lowy in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #93 The Good Enough Mother
"I believe all mothers do the best that they can, no mother tries to do anything except the best, and some do better than others. And that's okay. And we have to expect that and just do with what we can. But the humor, and humor is so important."

— Dr Margo Lowy in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #93 The Good Enough Mother
"We will fail. And that's how we learn. And that's the process. It's not this sanitized thing of, we know. Because we don't know, and let's take ourselves off the hook that we know. No, we don't. And that's how we learn. And that's how we become good enough."

— Dr Margo Lowy in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #93 The Good Enough Mother

DR Margo

lowy

meet

Margo Lowy is a psychotherapist with an interest in mothering and women’s reproductive health. She completed her doctorate and her research master’s at the UNSW in Sydney investigating the fields of maternal ambivalence and infertility. She is an adjunct lecturer at UNSW in the School of Social Sciences, Faculty of Arts, Design and Architecture at the University of New South Wales.

Her first book "The Maternal Experience: Encounters with Ambivalence and Love" is published by Routledge in 2021. She is currently writing a more conversational one on the same topic. Julianne works from a variety of perspectives including psychodynamic and attachment models, CBT, integrative, ACT and compassion-focussed work, and couples work and can also offer parent-infant sessions using the Watch, Wait & Wonder model which focuses on how you can improve your attachment relationship with your baby.

Julianne can offer sessions in either Central London or South Woodford –individual, couples and parent-infant work. In addition to face-to-face sessions, sessions can be offered over the phone or on Skype. Finally, Julianne is registered with BPS, HCPC and BPC and is a recognised healthcare provider with all the main healthcare insurance providers.

“What is Maternal Ambivalence?”

— Dr Margo Lowy in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #93 The Good Enough Mother

Dr Margo Lowy’s innovative work on maternal ambivalence, in which she encourages the mother to engage in all her feelings without rejecting the troubling ones, will disrupt and throw new light on how we understand mothering by challenging pre-conceived views from a psychic and social perspective. Maybe the topic of mothering is part of an academic interest or curiosity, or maybe it is more personal, perhaps you are a mother yourself, the partner, friend or relative of a mother, a child of a mother or you just wonder how mothers do it.

“I think what I would leave mothers with is that none of us know. It's the uncertainty. It's not being rigid. It's a continuing learning process for as long as we're on this earth. We're mothers always, so lets not be hard on ourselves. We are actually all trying to do the best that we can. And if we believe that if we truly believe that, then that reaches our child.”

— Dr Margo Lowy in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #93 The Good Enough Mother

The Good Enough Mother · 93. The Gift of Maternal Ambivalence: Embracing Complexity to Build Connection with Dr Margo Lowy

“I think the main thing it can do for our children, is to give them a human genuine mother, rather than a mother that's trying to be trying to be someone that she's not, and a mother that's there in the capacity, that she can be there.”

— Dr Margo Lowy in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #93 The Good Enough Mother

https://www.amazon.com/Maternal-Experience-Encounters-Ambivalence-Psychology/dp/0367223708

The Maternal Experience explores the powerful and dynamic nature of maternal ambivalence and disrupts the conventional narrative of the mother’s lived experience by arguing that encounters with feelings of hatred are both universal and have the capacity to stimulate and enrich her maternal love.