THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST



Mothering ourselves through shame and perfectionism

November 21, 2022

PARENTING, MOTHERING, SHAME, PERFECTIONISM, PERFECT MOTHER MYTH,



with mother and psychotherapist, Catherine Counihan


This conversation on shame and perfectionism is with mother and psychotherapist, Catherine Counihan. Catherine and Sophie both share their own personal stories of mothering their daughters to look at some lived examples of how the perfect mother myth, shame and perfectionism can play out in the day-to-day of mothering, and model a pathway through which we as mothers can interrogate our guilt, honour our values, release ‘shoulds’, and offer self-compassion. You’ll learn about the connection between perfectionism and shame, and how shame is created through stories of the ‘good girl’ we experience as children. Catherine shares her approach of working with clients to gain an embodied sense of being good enough in their mothering, helping to shift dysfunctional patterns in our families.

  • “And I think it's really profound work, parenting in a way where you teach your child to be connected to themselves, and where you're learning to connect to yourself, and many of us have to grow ourselves up alongside our children.”

    —Catherine Counihan in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #84 The Good Enough Mother Podcast

  • “I'm really passionate about everyone learning that they are important that they need to attend to their needs, that they're important just because they're alive. And that their worth is not conditional, because so many of us learn that and childhood. And I'm also passionate about not teaching our children to be good. Because I think that we spend our lives recovering from being like good little girls, basically.”

    —Catherine Counihan in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #84 The Good Enough Mother Podcast

  • “For many of us, the full breadth of exposure variance was totally cut in half and childhood in terms of you are banished, potentially if you had any kind of emotions which were not palatable. And so it feels so unsafe actually, often not to inflict perfectionism, I think. But it's such a, it's such a service, I think that we do to our children to teach them, I'm acceptable when I'm not perfect, therefore, you are acceptable when you're not perfect. And there's so much beauty in that.”

    —Catherine Counihan in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #84 The Good Enough Mother Podcast

  • “self compassion is one of the best ways to get us back to, to a place where we have more control where our frontal lobes are managing the emotional part of our brain. And it does, sometimes it's really hard, particularly if you're very shut down, and you've got a lot of shame, voices. But just to kind of go, you know, we're valid, we were not terrible. We've had a moment of disconnection with our children.”

    —Catherine Counihan in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #84 The Good Enough Mother Podcast

THE SECRET TO UNLOCKING THE STRESS CYCLE

BURNOUT

Resource mentioned in the show

Burnout is the gold standard of self-help books, delivering cutting-edge science with energy, empathy, and wit. The authors know exactly what’s going on inside your frazzled brain and body, and exactly what you can do to fix it... Truly life-changing.”

- Sarah Knight, New York Times bestselling author of Calm the F*ck Down

“How our shame can pressure our children to try and perform – control.”

Meet

Catherine Counihan

Catherine Counihan is an Integrative Psychotherapist working in private practice in London. She is the mother of twin girls and one of her areas of expertise is the intersection between our own trauma and our parenting. Cath specialises in complex trauma, perfectionism, nervous system healing, shifting dysfunctional patterns in our families and reparenting. Her passion is to shift shame and help each client gain an embodied sense of being good enough. 

Helping her clients develop an appreciation for the ways they have learned to survive breaks down shame and focusing on post-traumatic growth brings hope. Cath had done a lot of her own personal work and her own trauma therapy prior to having kids and, despite this, was set back to emotional ground zero by motherhood. Cath hosts a weekly podcast 'Grow Yourself Up' focused on how we can learn to tend to ourselves in adulthood when we have not had our needs met as children and the challenges of doing this as we parent. She also writes, has taught at the Bowlby Centre in London and will begin teaching for the International Attachment Network in 2023. She is registered with and accredited by the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP). She has more than a decade of experience seeing clients and had a previous career in financial services, working in investment banks and as a management consultant. 

LISTEN TO GROW YOURSELF UP WITH CATH COUNIHAN

LISTEN TO GROW YOURSELF UP WITH CATH COUNIHAN

We are going to unpack all of this on Grow Yourself Up. This podcast will be a companion as you travel on your own road of healing and recovery.

Listen on apple podcast.

“We can't change all of this in one generation. Many of us have had generations before us, with their own patterns of disconnection and dysfunction, and pain and trauma. And so while there is so much power in the idea that we can be a cycle break, and there is there is power. And we have to really balance that with the idea that all of the stuff from previous generations coming crashing down on top of us, is too much for us to change one generation”.

—Catherine Counihan in conversation with Sophie Brock, Ep #84 The Good Enough Mother Podcast


connect with CATH.