THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER PODCAST
Understanding Ourselves and Our Children as Mapmakers:
'Parenting for Humans' with Dr Emma Svanberg
April 2024
Maternal Wellbeing; Perinatal Wellbeing; Maternal Mental Health; Parenting; Parenting for Humans
with Dr Emma Svanberg
In this episode I speak with Dr. Emma Svanberg, an award-winning clinical psychologist and author of the recently released, "Parenting For Humans." Dr. Emma is the founder of The Psychology Co-operative and co-founder of Make Birth Better CIC. She also facilitates a vibrant parenting community on Facebook called The Village – A Parenting Community For Humans. I ask Dr Emma about the key themes from her book, exploring the beautiful analogy she uses of understanding children as ‘mapmakers’ whose maps are shaped by their temperaments, environments, context, and how we as parents can guide and connect with our children - through understanding our own stories. We talk about the role of play in connection with our children, as well as boundaries in the context of technology. Dr Emma reflects on the pressures parents face today in an information-rich and distracted society, and how we can try to navigate these contexts drawing on a sense of agency and power, and calling in opportunities for presence both for ourselves and our children. You’ll hear us reflect on the role of disappointment and the ruptures that inevitably occur between us and our children, and reflect on ‘good enough’ and Winnicott’s work as part of our parenting practice in fostering connection and growth.
— Dr Emma Svanberg in conversation with Dr Sophie Brock, Ep #106 The Good Enough Mother Podcast
...Let's say the idea is I must be present all the time, then in those moments where we just need a break, or we've got something else that we need to do, rather than be explicit about that, because we're holding this idea in mind, we slip away to do it. And actually, in some ways that causes so much more confusion and conflict between us and our child. Because it's done kind of secretively and with a sense of guilt or shame around it...
...Whereas if we're able to say - this is what I'm doing, and I'm okay with how I'm doing it. And yes, I can hold your disappointment in the fact that I'm not a perfect parent, but that's okay. Because I'm okay with the fact that I'm not a perfect parent, I'm okay with the fact that actually, this is a relationship that is tricky at times, and messy at times and involves two ever changing human beings...
...When we feel okay with that, not only are we much more likely to translate that to our child, so they're okay with it, too. But also, we're much more likely to communicate it because we don't feel like it's something that we need to keep secret or something that we need to be ashamed of.”
Parenting for Humans
How to parent the child you have, as the person you are
by Dr Emma Svanberg
The first book to explore why parenting is so hard and to support parents in embracing the messy, powerful and unique needs of their child, by leading clinical psychologist.There's always that moment as a parent when you feel like no matter how hard you're trying, you just can't quite get it 'right'. But the fact is, parenting is hard and once we know this and why, we can forgive ourselves for finding it a struggle, and start to look for the things that make parenting a joy.Parenting for Humans is a book first and foremost for parents. It explores what we bring to the parenting journey - our hopes, values, views, circumstances, relationships, upbringing - and how we can gain confidence in ourselves not just as parents, but as whole human beings.As well as learning to parent ourselves, it will show us how to parent the child we actually have, not a textbook version, but our complicated, messy child with their own powerful needs. And by tuning into their language, learning how to hold them, not mould them, we can really start enjoying them for the funny and unique human beings that they are.With the right support and guidance, we can all totally do this parenting thing and grow a positive and loving relationship that will last forever.
