Understanding The anger-guilt trap

and how to start breaking the cycle

Motherhood is the social and cultural arena where we do our mothering.

When we become Mothers we step into this arena.

Where there are certain ‘rules’ of play about what it means to be a good Mother.

Anger is not part of this rulebook.

But anger is part of our experience as human beings.

By excluding ‘anger’ from what is acceptable for us to feel and express in Motherhood, we are funneled into an ‘anger-guilt’ trap.

Where whenever we feel or express anger, we immediately feel guilt.

Importantly, there is a distinction between the felt emotion of anger, and the expression of anger.

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Here is how we start to break the anger-guilt trap:

1. Understand the distinction between the feeling of anger and expression of anger

2. Understand how and why Motherhood exists socially

3. Get to know what the ‘rules’ of good Motherhood are so we can ‘spot them’ when they show up for us

4. Recognise how the ‘anger-guilt’ trap is an inevitable cycle we fall into when we live by the rules of the good Mother

5. Start to challenge what rules we want to live by, and what ones we want to rebel against

6. Learn ways to interrupt the ‘anger-guilt’ trap

7. Express our anger in a healthy way, and explore how to use anger as our tool for growth